Greener Grass

Proverbs 5:15 tells us to drink from our own cisterns.  The writer is not offering a suggestion but a command.  He is warning against the dangers of infidelity.  A cistern was an underwater storage compartment used in ancient cultures.  Some were large enough to walk around in!  This means that there was more than enough water in that cistern to satisfy the drinker.  How does this relate to your marriage?  Your cistern ought to be more than enough to satisfy you.  You shouldn't need to get water from someone else's cistern.  Sometimes we look at the other cistern and think that it's better.  What we don't realize is that the quality of the cistern will be directly proportional to the amount of effort expended to keep it up.  The grass on the other side may look greener but you must count the cost of keeping it that way.  Fertilizer, constant watering, aerating, mowing, edging...all details that must be accounted for.  Now, if we put that type of effort into our own marriages (lawns/cisterns), we wouldn't have to look elsewhere.  Greener grass usually equates to a higher water bill.

Cherish the Good Thing

In America, we've been conditioned to want more.  Bigger TVs, nicer cars, more expensive houses, just more, more more.  The Bible says in Proverbs 18:22 "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD."  First, a wife must be found.  Secondly, a wife is considered good.  The good thing represents the favor of the LORD.  Knowing this, why do we as men find it hard to recognize our "good thing".  We look across the fence, across the street, around the corner, at work and everywhere else trying to add to what is already complete.  Or, we treat relationships so cavalierly that we don't give things time to develop to even know if she is the "one".  Put simply, how can we find the "one" when we are always busy looking for the next one?  Be patient, be diligent, be content and be blessed.
 

Don't Spend it ALL on Valentine's Day...INVEST Some for Later.

Every year, in February, we get bombarded with advertisements and different solicitations for St. Valentine's Day.  Supposedly, it's about love and mushiness.  I have some news for you, February 15th is looming.  What are your plans for then?  For most of us, it simply goes back to the normal routine of "hi and bye" in the morning, and "good evening" after work is done.  We have been duped.  Danielle and I used to debate endlessly the merits of Valentine's Day.  It's not a holiday.  If you want to read about the true origins, click here.  Being caught up in the cultural phenomenon of Valentine's Day means one thing, money, lots of it.  We can spend inordinate amounts of money on candy, bears and jewelry.  My advice is simple, rather than breaking the bank, use a different strategy.  Invest in your relationship.  Valentine's Day is like buying up cheap stock only to see the value plummet.  Invest in your marriage DAILY.  Do nice things DAILY.  Compliment each other DAILY.  See the marriage as an investment.  If you want to celebrate Valentine's Day, at least don't let that be the only time that great affection is shown or gifts are given.  If you're only giving flowers one day per year, there is something wrong. 

Teammates

A husband, wife unit is a team.  We hear all the time, couples referring to themselves as team so and so but you have to ask, am I really a team player?  Do I celebrate when my spouse does well or do I find something to criticize?  Do I feel like my spouse hurting me through their accomplishments?  Do I feel intimidated by my spouse's accomplishments?  These questions are designed to make you pause and think.  It doesn't matter who scores the game winning touchdown, as long as the team wins.  Please believe that you will have enough opposition outside of your home.  There is no need to have opposition within the home too.  You and your spouse are on the same team, playing in the same game and aiming for the same goal.  Act like it.  Your spouse is not on the opposing team so you should be rooting for them to win, all the time.  If you fee like your spouse is outdoing you, they are not the problem, you are.  James 3:16 "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice."  Don't let the bitter root of jealousy creep into your household.  Instead, remember this, when one wins, you both win.

MEDITATION: 1 Corinthians 13:4

Marriages are Goldmines...where is Your Shovel?

Here are some thoughts as you consider the goldmine that your marriage is.  It must be mined.  Sometimes that means that when there is seemingly nothing, you have to dig deeper.  When you hit a spot that cannot be mined, use explosives to loosen the rock.  When you are in the dark, let the light of Christ light the way.  Keep digging, keep mining and keep believing.

Hold tightly: Don't take for granted that the one who you are holding will always be there.

Apologize quickly: Don't let the sun go down on your anger.

Walk softly: Never use intimidation as a tactic in a marriage to get what you want from your mate.

Talk lovingly: Let your words be seasoned with salt so that they will be grace to the one hearing them.

Give liberally: Don't be stingy with your time or your resources.

Touch intentionally: Remind her that you desire her and want her.

Believe intently: Be faithful together in trial and adversity.

Hope patiently: Have your mind made up that you expect God to do it.

I Do...Maybe

A man who is considering marriage needs to know that when the preacher says "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to have and to hold, from this day forward...until death do you part" that's a promise that's made before God and not just the witnesses. Love doesn't bail when things are hard, when sickness comes or when the money is tight. Love stays the course. When you answer "I do" you should mean it.

I've lived through what it means to take I do seriously.  Life comes at us fast and we must love through life.  What that means is we must continue on the boat, even when the storm is raging.  I do means if she gains 20lbs from pregnancy, we are not looking for someone 20lbs lighter, we are still complimenting her beauty.  I do means if she is sick, we are at the bedside not at the wing bar.  I do means I am there for whatever challenges life may present.

MEDITATION: Colossians 3:23

Playing the Game

We should never view love as a game. If it is truly a game, there has to be a winner and a loser. In true love, both parties are "losers" because true love is sacrificial! Jesus showed us the model, he sacrificed everything, including his life, out of love. True love means that we sacrifice for the good of our mate and vice versa...there is no gamesmanship or manipulation involved.

Oftentimes, our idea of love is overly sexualized and under spiritualized.  The sexual component brings gamesmanship with it because we often engage in manipulation in order to achieve the ultimate goal of sex. Love is spiritual before it is physical.  We only need to look to Jesus for confirmation.  We love Him because He loved us first and He loved us from eternity, even while we were in the state of our unformed substance!  The spiritual aspect of love is much deeper because it stands through the adversities of life and withstands the challenges that are constant in a marriage.  Ask yourself if you are living as a human chess piece and viewing your mate as the same or if you are following the model set forth by Christ.  There is no checkmate in marriage. 

MEDITATION: Ephesians 5:22

Loving Through Our Sinful Nature

We often wonder why it's so hard to do the "right" thing.  What we must always remember that we are broken because of the brokenness of the world.  We are born into sin (Psalm 51) and because of that, we must be supernaturally transformed in order to truly do the "right" thing.  Even in our process of being transformed, we still make mistakes, we still have issues and we still sin.

Now, consider putting TWO sinful, broken people together and the problems are multiplied by a factor of two!  That is why we must submit to the authority of Jesus in our marriages.  We must yield to the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.  We must continue to die to our old self, our sinful nature, every single day.  The more we become conformed to the image of Jesus, the less we become like ourselves. 

The diagram above is just a pictorial representation of what I stated in the first two paragraphs.  Man was created in perfection.  Sin marred that perfection.  The cross restores and is restoring that perfection as we conform to the image of Christ.  When dealing with issues with your spouse, look for the spiritual root of the issue and solve it from that perspective.  Pray and ask God for the mind of Christ, don't be afraid to be humble enough to admit wrongdoing and seek to do things the way that Jesus would do them.  

MEDITATION: 2 Corinthians 3:18